17 Things To Actually Try This Year (Instead Of Just Talking About Them)

Thought Catalog

1. Tell someone how you really feel, whether it’s good, bad, unpopular or ugly. Be polite, be tactful, but be honest. Stop discussing your true thoughts with everyone except the one person who needs to hear them.

2. Cut your hair the way you’ve always wanted to. Do that one thing you’ve always toyed with the idea of but were too nervous to try. At best, it will make you feel more “you” than ever before, and at worst, it will grow back anyway.

3. Get in a car and drive until you’re lost. Explore there.

4. Buy something from a store you always gawk at online. The balance to strike is finding something that is simultaneously of good quality but uniquely fits you and your lifestyle as well. Save up for it if you need to, but work toward that goal – reaching it will be unbelievably sweet.

5. Re-visit all of your old favorite…

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A Prayer For When You Need Inner Peace

Thought Catalog

Anathea UtleyAnathea Utley

You are the silent prayer, where the mind wanders when it finds respite. You are the miracle that unveils the wonders of life. You are the rain that streams through the clouds and the sun that blankets the sky. You are the sound that dims the noise we don’t want to hear. You are the light that intimidates all evil. You are the silent observer who transpires every now and again. You are always there.

Belief sways between contemplation and closure. You are omnipresent and unbiased, but mostly because you are inaudible. You don’t announce your presence through words, but let the tale unfold slowly instead.

Sometimes, it seems you unleash your wrath when we are caught off-guard. At other times, you astonish us with marvels we never expected. You dim the lights and urge us to trudge through the blinding darkness, only so that we can reach…

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Take It Back

I take back those words I said in my head. I take back the words that I threw on this page yesterday. I take them all back.

I have always been the type of girl who was “too cautious”. Too cautious to go out, too cautious to party, too cautious to take risks, too cautious to fall hard for any guy I have had the chance with. I partied in college yeah, but even then, I was a cautious party-er; as I never let myself ever go to far. Which is not the worst thing to do, but I don’t have those crazy awesome memories that some people have because I never let myself get there. My conscious is sometimes overpowering when it comes to things. It may not even be my conscious than it is my fear. Fear of being hurt, fear of being judged, fear of being myself. 

Yesterday, I made a quick judgement and made it into negativity. Why you ask? Because that is something that a “cautious” girl would do. She would assume the worst to protect herself. To protect herself from the unknown. But, at the same time, I said that this year would be a year of change. A year of risk taking, a year of new beginnings. I feel the changes in some parts of me, but others, like letting myself fully fall for someone, to let their person engulf me, is still a challenge.

Last week, I went out for a friend’s birthday and a guy asked me to dance. I was like okay sure (why not, its just harmless fun). Yet, when he put his hands on my hips, I felt myself shudder. I couldn’t deal with dancing with a stranger. I have danced with male friends before and it doesn’t bother me as much, but with a stranger, I couldn’t do it. I thought why was this. Because, I need to be friends, I need to be comfortable with a person before we are on that level. But, it goes deeper than that, doesn’t it? 

It goes back to that date. That day that changed my life forever. I get sad every time I think about it. The day my father broke my heart. I know that the whole correlation doesn’t make too much sense. But, I haven’t given all the details yet. It will all come together.

Confused

Umm okay…well I guess our story has ended? I mean I don’t know if we even had a story…but I thought we definitely had more than a paragraph. I’m not sure what has happened between the last two times you have seen me including today that has already changed everything. Last time, you paid a small amount of attention to me but we did kinda talk so I thought it was just an off day, a rough patch. But today, you pay no attention to me whatsoever? Like what happened to the guy who was interested in me, who made me smile and laugh, the guy who wanted to (potentially) give me a chance…what happened to him? Did I do something wrong or do something to make things awkward? I mean yeah I have a crush on you but its not the end of the world, and I don’t even know if I like you like you because we haven’t become that close yet. So if that is what this is, you are simply childish and high school, and I am too grown for that non sense, I have been there and done that. But if that isn’t the reason, why are you playing so coy with me…I thought you would be happy to see me…but I guess not?… Why are guys so confusing? -_-

Gratefulness

I’m thankful for the earth, the way she blows the trees. The way she shutters as she moves. The way the bees pollinate to keep her strong. The way the clouds dance around her. The way the sun makes her gleam. The way the oceans flow through her. The way she has a moon of her own, that keeps her wild yet calm. I’m thankful for the people I have met. I’m thankful for the people who have impacted my life, both positively and negatively.I’m thankful for the people I have yet to meet. I’m thankful for my family, who give me support and love. I’m thankful for my friends that I have made across the way in the game called life. I’m thankful for my Heavenly Father who shows me the way. I’m thankful for the experiences I have been blessed with as well as for the adventures to come. I’m thankful for the heartbreak I have endured, because without it, I wouldn’t know what type of person my heart belongs to, I’m thankful for my role models, all of them, for they paved the way. I’m grateful for all, because it’s what makes us, human.

 

Love, 

Me.

Butterflies

“All I knew this morning when I woke is I know something now, know something now I didn’t before.

And all I’ve seen since eighteen hours ago is green eyes and freckles and your smile

In the back of my mind making me feel like…

I just wanna know you better,I just wanna know you,

And all I feel in my stomach is butterflies,

The beautiful kind, making up for lost time, taking flight, making me feel right.”

The lyrics up above are some from one of my favorite songs. For the exception of the green eyes and the freckles (because you have brown eyes and no freckles), this describes how I am feeling about YOU. 

What started out as running-inside joke between coworkers because we thought you were looked pretty good has started to now feel out to having feelings for you. Or I don’t know, an infatuation with you.I would love to be able to say that you like me back, of course, just like every other girl would with any boy that she has liked. However, that is not the case, or rather, it is neither confirmed or denied how you actually feel about me. When I do see you, we sit next to each other, we stare at each other (stolen glances, super romantic already right?), laugh at each other’s jokes and share smiles.

You even said that I was sweet…making moves already? ha, well no more that is just you being nice. Which is a quality that I like about you. You are nice, calm, polite, a southern gentleman, can make me laugh…dang, you already have me swooning over you. 

And, that’s how you have already completed me. By balancing me out.

So now, I have been praying and putting any type of potential relationship that may develop in God’s hands. We must be patient and wait to be together. But that doesn’t mean we cannot become friends and get to know each other better.

Friday, the way I saw you smiling at me…the way I smiled back…the way we looked at each other. I felt something. I just wonder if you felt it too.

Reminiscing

I thought of you tonight. About the way you looked at me the first time. You didn’t just look at me, you noticed me. And from that point on, it seems like you can’t look away. I can picture it. You sitting a few ppl away from me. I, speaking to a friend, about some stuff look up at you. At first, I think you are looking past me at someone else. But then, I saw it. That gleam in your eye as if you had fallen into mine. I kept glancing back at you to see if I was imagining this. But, no, there you were, eyes plain as day staring into my soul…so now I wonder, do you think of that day? That day you sucked me in. That day you stole my heart. That day you noticed me.

What Do You Want To Do For The Rest Of Your Life?

“What do you want to do for the rest of your life?”, my mom asked over the phone as I am discussing my future.

 

“If I could,” I said, “I would travel the world for the rest of my life, write about the people I met and the way they lived, how their cultured thrived, and take photos of the lessons of life I had learned…I would take these lessons and introduce them to others, maybe they could try a few & pass it on.”

 

But, then reality set in…I’m a twentysomething who is lost. Not necessarily lost in a wilderness, but more of lost in my future. Lost in the way society tries to make us something we aren’t. Lost in the way that  a desk job 9-5 everyday makes others feel. Take it as you see it, but I’d rather be lost in my dreams very happy, then found somewhere that makes me unhappy. Life is what you make it.